Apollo 11: History. Apollo 12: Return. Apollo 13: Disaster.

Apollo 14: Golf?

We were stunned when we recently learned that America’s obsessive golf culture had spread beyond Earth. Apparently our country will go to any length to golf, anytime, anywhere.

Alan Shepard just had to prove he was a man’s man by hitting a few drives on the moon, because apparently simply being the 5th man to walk on the moon wasn’t enough.

Not any more fake than the rest of the moon landing photos

Golf nuts have analyzed how far both balls traveled, because that’s all golf nuts care about. They don’t see how harmful it is that our nation’s space program normalized this violent activity.

Every time we look at the moon we are reminded of the toll golf violence takes every single day. Instead of a serene orb decorating the sky, we see a golf ball threatening to collide with all of us in one last, fiery instance of golf violence.

We are resolved to take back the moon in our minds and in our hearts, by banning golf in our great nation. Then, instead of a grim reminder of death and destruction, the moon can serve as a reminder that together we overcame golf violence.